Ian Hislop on BBC Question Time

These pages have been prompted by Ian Hislop appearing on BBC Question Time on 4th October 2007. I started writing these two pages since that date, and frantic and desperate moves have been made between that date and the date of this page actually coming out, to negate/lessen all the consequences of what I did the last time I wrote, as well as preparing for whatever I'm going to write about now. Amongst other things, William has been encouraged to get back with Kate, the Arsenal Board have made this 'lockdown' agreement to 'save' the club from falling into foreign ownership, articles have appeared in the press about Iraq Dossier expert Dr David Kelly being murdered, and 'Ming' Campbell, leader of the Liberal Democrats was hastily booted out before the jokes that follow later actually go out. (They had a long time over the coming months and years to remove 'Ming' gradually if they had wanted to, gracefully and painlessly, but instead they couldn't grab him quickly enough to boot him in the backside, desperate to get rid of him before the joke made the party a laughing stock. He was reduced to tears - but he deserved it.)

So, there was Ian Hislop sitting on the end of the panel of pundits on the awful BBC Question Time. I only watch the programme because over the last five years I have become so entangled with affairs of state, at the highest level, that I'm now intensely affecting everything. (For a few months now I've actually stopped verbally talking about anything that would help the government, because I saw that after testing out whatever I've said, even offhand remarks, they put them into practice as government policy, and soon they just decided that I was like a computer and started adopting everything I said, straight away, 'raw'. There is no payment for any of this. Not even acknowledgement. Gordon Brown is just sitting behind closed doors all day with a blank exercise book and a sharpened pencil. He regards his entire job description as just lifting everything I say, and taking it down like dictation, and then applying it wholesale. They bug every word I say, monitor every single action on my computer. You should know that with satellites they can bug anywhere with perfect reception, indoors and outdoors, any location, without any need for having to plant little devices like they used to. And PCs are manufactured with components similar to those in mobile phones, and they emit signals and broadcast exactly what the computer is doing. These are all top military secrets!)

Anyway, back to Question Time. Even though I'm directly involved and all that, in reality I just can't actually sit in front of that rubbish; so the TV's just left on in the background, with the sound turned quite low, until the repeat showing of Heroes starts on BBC2. But as Question Time was going on, I remarked to my brother that Ian Hislop seemed rather quiet, hardly speaking at all except for two occasions when he screamed something like "IT'S JUST NOT ON! I'M SORRY, BUT IT'S JUST NOT ON!" I wasn't listening to exactly what 'wasn't on', but I have visited mental patients, and Ian Hislop looked like a patient who hadn't been taking his medication for some time! He really did look clinically psychotic. This just seemed an idle observation, mildly amusing, but it was now 11.20 and time to switch channel - when suddenly I just caught the next topic starting up - some derogatory question about Diana just as I was about to change channel. SO! It was a set up! Sure enough, Ian Hislop was asked to speak first, as arranged, to show the three politicians the disrespectful tone to adopt.

Now Hislop seemed to be having a fit. "IT WAS A DRUNK DRIVER!" he screamed. "HE CRASHED INTO A CONCRETE PILLAR. WE'VE HAD TWO ENQUIRIES!" Well, we had two enquiries on Iraq, Hutton and Butler. They find what they want to find. Hutton was a huge affair. I alone predicted that it would be a whitewash, months in advance. Why was everyone else so surprised when it turned out to be exactly that? Actually, you would be surprised at just how silly and biased Hutton's final judgement was if you looked at it again today. (Even Dr David Kelly's actual death wasn't examined properly. At the time of his death, it was as if the authorities knew what was about to happen in advance, and there were also sightings of mysterious figures. The wrong sort of cut was made on Kelly's wrist for suicide, and there wasn't enough blood at the scene for him to have bled to death. Even the body was moved at the scene, mysteriously.) Look at the 'Cash for Honours' whitewash. Obviously, the Diana Inquest will also be a whitewash. Everyone has made it very clear to the jury what is wanted of them. These enquiries are always whitewashed right at the end. They're always fiddled right at the very end. A big show of thoroughness is being made at the moment, but no doubt, right at the end, when Fayed's lawyers have no chance to reply, the judge will indicate to the jury what he wants, with a biased summing up. Even now, he feels that he always has to balance every piece of evidence with a counter statement: "Doctor Harold Shipman may indeed have mass murdered hundreds of people... BUT... the ladies and gentlemen of the jury may wish to bear in mind that he did used to get up very early every morning to serve his patients; that, by all accounts, he did possess a very charming and pleasant bedside manner, and he did cure little Tommy Smith of that bad case of whooping cough exceedingly quickly." Ian Hislop is piling in now so that later on he can again scream "I TOLD YOU!" when the jury reach their verdict, in a double blow.

This edition of Question Time was a very nasty programme indeed. When Hislop was jeer-leading the audience, it seemed like a Nazi rally in the beer cellars of Germany back in the 1930s. The BBC will be eternally shamed for this broadcast. It stood against everything that makes a society civilized, it stood against all the values that mark this age as different to the stone age. For this programme alone, I want to tear the BBC limb from limb, or studio from studio or whatever it is. I was so angry that I couldn't change channel. I just switched the TV off. I was what they call incandescent. Had I stepped outside into the night, that part of the globe would have been plunged into day.

Now. The Question Time panel. We have already dealt with Ian Hislop - still, let's start with Ian Hislop. He was born in 1960. Now that's what you call unlucky! He was Oxford educated. Why? A potato is a potato. It can sit through all the lectures that have ever been given, but you're still left with a potato. An allotment potato, in this case, I think. Supposedly superior, but actually not uniform enough; not as uniform as the farm potatoes that are accepted by supermarkets.

Ruth Kelly. Why was she giving pundit political opinions on TV when surely she had school the next day? Do I mean that she should be taking 2B for netball as PE teacher, or do I mean he's in 2B, with snotty nose and shorts, and a voice that's trying to break but just isn't? That is the question. Actually, if you think of Jimmy Krankie, Ruth Kelly might just have a future in panto (though I'd have to hear her say "Fan-dabi-dozi", and she would need a very tall partner).

To just summarize it, they tried to blame it on Henri Paul, but fiddled documents in the French investigation, and also tampered with samples. Richard Tomlinson said there was an MI6 plan to stage an assassination in a tunnel with a strobe flash, and the witnesses at the Diana crash all saw a bright flash, and Levistre clearly witnessed a 'hit'. These people were actually right there. That's all an inquest needs to look at.

1. It reduces witnesses to just the few road users (very few at night) in the tunnel, especially just the few travelling in the same direction in front and behind. (In this case Brian Anderson, behind in a taxi, saw a cluster of three bikes around the Mercedes, with the bike with two riders about to wrecklessly overtake by the central kerb. He looked away for a moment, and then saw a brilliant 'magnesium' type flash, like a flare, in the corner of his eye. He heard the loud impact of the crash, looked back and just saw the Mercedes come to rest. As his taxi drove past the wreck, he saw two of the bikes 'parked' by the crash. From the front, Francois Levistre saw in his mirror one of the bikes swerve in front of the Mercedes, and then a blinding flash much, much brighter than a photo flash just before the Mercedes lost control. After the crash he saw the riders stop, one signal with arms 'they're finished / they're out' to the other, and then speed off. He was terrified.)

2. At speed, the entire run of columns along the entire length of the tunnel is a death trap. There aren't just one or two pillars or hard objects onto which the assassins are trying to run the target into. The only objective is to cause the target to veer into the left, at any point in the tunnel. These pillars are structural columns of concrete holding up the roof. When hit by a vehicle, they will not deform at all, so the impacting vehicle will take the full force and deform completely, and be crushed. The impact will also follow immediately the target is pushed off course - there is no time for the target to decelerate or change course to lessen or even avoid the impact. Nowhere else on the roads can an assassination be planned for so completely, with such a high likelyhood of success.

My final point, which you'll find interesting: At the end of August 1998 Richard Tomlinson flew to America to appear on the NBC Today show to further discuss his statements about Diana's death. But when he arrived at JFK Airport they were waiting for him and he was arrested. I think his hands and feet were chained to his chair, and he was then deported to Switzerland. In a prepared statement a US Immigration Department spokesman said:

Had Richard Tomlinson been allowed to enter the US and appear on NBC television, he would have flown back to Geneva on Swissair flight 111. Flight 111 took off at 8.18pm on September 2nd 1998, and a couple of hours later the 215 passengers were in the warm and quiet surroundings of the softly-lit cabin one moment, and the next, they were plunged into the cold, pitch-black waters of Nova Scotia, off the Canadian coast in the North Atlantic.

Hello. Don't know whether I'll bother to finish the above. We'll see. Anyway, I'm writing this because a few minutes ago my brother told me he'd been watching TV earlier, and he'd heard Peter Andre reading out racist comments made against him by the younger Oasis brother, Liam Gallagher. It was broadcast on ITV2's "Katie and Peter: Unleashed". Apparently, Liam Gallagher was quoted as calling Peter Andre 'Paki'. The offending word was bleeped out when Peter Andre said it, but it could be seen from lip reading. The police should arrest Gallagher. This is a criminal offence. Gallagher is a silly little girl. All he can do is sing his brother's songs, in that silly pose - stooping forward with his hands behind his back, lips touching the michrophone. IDIOT !! Raise the mike up a few inches and then you can stand straight. Sing your OWN lyrics to your OWN tunes. Mention ME, you scared pansy girlie! Mention ME, and call ME whatever you want. You Mancunian PARASITE! Only girls watch football and don't understand it. Didn't you know football's been bent for years, little girl?? Have you been getting down to your local to cheer the football? Ha ha HA. I don't think you have any right to continue stooping, armless, over your mike UNLESS YOU DO IT WEARING LIPSTICK AND A DRESS!! Do you realize the contempt I have for TRASH like you? Your little silly world of 'media and entertainment', invented singlehanded by Howard Hughes, is totally revolving around me, and silly little '60 girl' Liam Gallagher is too 'frightened' to directly deal with it. Or is it too JEALOUS? (And maybe too stupid? Maybe not maybe)

You use the word 'Paki', because the syllables please you as suitably aggressive. 'Indie' doesn't work, does it? But, if I made racist comments at you, you would take offence. THAT is why you have been born in Britain after 1960, you 60 Girl !! I've been watching Heroes on TV. Maybe you might have liked to play Peter Petrelli? That's the nearest in appearance to you, but that actor is one Milo Ventimiglia. He'll ALWAYS be better looking than you - it's the eyes. 1960 makes you dead and waxen, Liam Gallagher.

Talking of Heroes, many will have guessed that that series has something to do with me. If you knew personal details, you would know that it's TOTALLY based on us. Some of the characters are me, some are my brother. And the Indian genetics professor has no powers himself, but ties it all together. Actually, 1960 may be linked to genetics, but it's also linked to God and the beyond. That's obvious, really, isn't it?

As you will know by now, all adverts, movies, music, culture, politics - everything - is revolving around me. But Heroes was very good. Though now I've spilt the secrets, I don't know what they'll do for any future series. The cop Matt Parkman physically reminds me of my brother, and my brother has a similar ability. My brother is an oracle - he can speak to and receive answers from the gods. He can talk to Jupiter, or Mars, or the Devil, or God himself in any form. Seven years ago, in 2000, I was asking my brother certain questions about Britain, and he gave answers from Sai Baba about the 1960 thing. It was my brother who got the 1960 information. This Sai Baba is an Indian holy man or mystic, famous in India as a Godman. Sai Baba was born in 1926 and has an ashram in Puttaparthi, Andhra Pradesh, southern India. Sai Baba is revered by millions around the world as a direct incarnation of the main deity, of God Himself. This may all be very new to many people, and may sound utterly ridiculous. But what could be more ridiculous than 1960? And your own eyes prove that!

There are negative stories about Sai Baba. I can tell you that these are true, but that's because Sai Baba is who he says he is. The world is a very lowly place, and if God wants to come down, he has to belittle himself for the good of the world. He belittles himself, so we don't get nuked. Something like that. Anyway, they don't want you to know about any of this. So I'm now doing a 'Sylar' and singing about Sai.

My brother's just told me that he'd been waiting at the Ilford Central Library bus stop for twenty minutes this evening for a 145 bus, and at 8.31pm a 145 bus arrived going towards Wanstead. There was already another bus at the stop. This is often an excuse for buses to other destinations to drive past and not stop. But this 145 bus did pull in behind the bus already at the stop; my brother and his friend were running to get to it and he even put his hand out as he ran up to the doors of the bus. They didn't open, but instead the 145 bus, which was practically empty, slowly started creeping forward for a few yards as if it was going to pull right up to the back of the first bus and stop. My brother and his friend were walking along with the bus, waiting to board, when it just pulled out instead and slowly drove off! It was blatant. The driver clearly saw them both.

Britain hates Asians. It pains them to even admit Asians exist. Why is Gordon Brown or Ken Livingstone pretending to do a job of work when here we are in 2007, and the British have been systematically trained for decades to hate Asians? Ken Livingstone and Gordon Brown have covertly agreed to this behaviour. The authorities have agreed to exclude Asians from football, from entertainment or TV. The screaming headlines on the back sports pages never mention Asians. The overall message to the public is: 'Feeling racist? GO RIGHT AHEAD!! They don't belong here!'

I know that in high places it's been decided to make it official policy to be as racist as possible and outcast Asians to fight me. Fine. I've already told you that God lives in India. In a few years, maybe ten years from now, Sai Baba will conquer the world. Good. That day can't come quickly enough. But Britain is an evil, racist Hellhole. Let me inform you now that Britain will be left for the Devil to cut to pieces. The Devil tells me that the Devil will do my bidding. You will be shredded and made to really suffer. I know that you laugh now, but when that terrible time comes, remember these words. And it will come all of a sudden, maybe five years from now. God wants nothing to do with Britain. You want to fight? The Devil awaits.