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Ian Hislop on BBC Question Time
Ian Hislop on BBC DIANA INQUEST
Email to BBC (2007)
Celeb Big Brother Exclusive !! (2006)
*FURTHER UPDATES* (2005)
FIRST SHEET (police complaint)
SECOND SHEET paragraph 1 - 2 (intro)
SECOND SHEET paragraph 3 - 4 (secret service surveillance)
SECOND SHEET paragraph 5-6 (bent football, media, railways)
SECOND SHEET paragraph 7 (Diana)
SECOND SHEET paragraph 8 - 9 (law, constitution and official murder)
SECOND SHEET paragraph 9 - 10 (Iraq, Hutton, au revoir)
THIRD SHEET paragraph 1 -3 (once upon a time in 1960)
THIRD SHEET paragraph 4 - 5 (LISTEN to the radio)
THIRD SHEET paragraph 6 (cinema, art)
THIRD SHEET paragraph 7 - 8 (close)
The Enquiry (1)
The Enquiry (2)
The Enquiry (3)
The Enquiry (4)
The Enquiry (5)

 
(Jan 14th 2006   STOP EVERYTHING!  EMERGENCY UPDATE! HILARIOUS CHANNEL 4  CELEBRITY BIG BROTHER EXCLUSIVE!  Jodie yells out my name as a weapon of last resort to fend off Michael in big bust up before eviction, Chantelle repeats it!  And it all got broadcast!  Look left)

Would you believe that in September 2003 the British government was effectively overthrown by one person using an old computer printer and some office stationery?  This is the big British secret that's been increasingly difficult to contain, and now it's being blown wide open! 

He took a sheet of A4 paper and typed.  He attached a copy of a police complaint he had filed a year earlier, and mailed these two sheets to 3000 people and institutions at the top of British society - MPs, police, judiciary, the military, universities, media, and celebrities and famous people.  He didn't use his name because he wasn't seeking personal publicity and everyone knew who he was from the police complaint.  And when he got angry about six months later, in March 2004 he sent them another sheet - like the Pied Piper when he wasn't paid.  So two mailshots in all.  Three sheets of paper.  Read them for yourself on the left, reproduced here exactly as they first appeared.
But the British people have to ask themselves why they could only find out about this -  the most important event ever to hit their nation -  on a website.
 
I have to tell the British people that the powerful and the famous treat them as they have always done - with utter contempt.  They regard you as 'the great unwashed'.  You don't need to know anything.  You just need to keep your heads down and toil.  The BBC think that all you want in life is to become famous, which can never happen, and that they hold the power over that.   They take billions in licence fees, have the biggest news organization in the country, and what do British viewers get for news at 6pm on BBC1?  Two idiots alternating government friendly headlines over silly drums.  It's total nonsense - but also a total scandal.  Shouldn't they have told you that three sheets of A4 have turned the entire country on its head?  If you don't pay the licence fee you go to jail.  By law they HAVE to tell you the news; they can't censor it and feed you tripe.  For this alone the BBC must be axed.  ITN and ITV are supposed to be regulated too.  They have all seriously breached their charters and licences in every way.  They have to inform, educate and entertain, without bias or censorship against any individual, group or party.  In fact there's no point tuning in anywhere or buying a copy of anything.  There's been a total news blackout for over twelve months and they'll never be able to explain that away in the future.  Whether it's the Government or Establishment or Royals, or the media, TV, film and entertainment world - all anyone's been talking about for the last year is those three sheets of paper.  But you have to remain in the dark; left outside, with your noses pressed up against the glass, to keep them where they are.
 
(The media blackout has totally undermined democracy.  I have turned the country on it's head, yet the public have been kept in the dark.  How can the electorate vote now when they have been misinformed?  Parliamentary democracy has been invalidated at a stroke.  How can police tell protesters to demonstrate peacefully and use the ballot box instead of violence when there's been a news blackout?  News of me might have influenced the public to vote differently or forced political parties to change their policies even more.  And say I wanted to stand for parliament as an independent.  I've changed the country more in the last twelve months than Tony Blair has in the last seven years, yet I'm unknown to the public, and the media are biased in the intense extreme against me due to petty professional jealousy - they have everything to lose. [In fact, the BBC has a duty to provide the highest quality programming possible for the money they have.  If they could continue improving their output by giving me more and more money, they are obligated to do that, until no further money paid could achieve further cost-effective gains in quality, innovation, entertainment value etc.  Even if it meant paying me one percent of their total budget])   
 
Since September 2003 the country has been revolving around those three bits of paper.  You may not have been told anything, but now you know why people on TV have been behaving so oddly or appearing so gloomy.  Many are depressed.  Some are suicidal.  Some worry about the country.  Most worry about themselves.  If there's somebody out there that can do all this, then shouldn't he do everything and run everything?  No need for celebrities or actors or politicians to feel superior to the masses.  Compared to him they're ordinary!                                                           (Sept 04)
 
Update, Nov 04 
The point about this website is that you can be really mischievous about the most deadly serious matters in the world, because it's all HILARIOUS!
Even the police complaint - it's a serious complaint about a serious matter, but isn't it funny?
The bit that's really eating away at people is Sheet 3, para 1-3.  The bit about 1960.  The best bit!  So they're trying to make their own jokes about 'medication' and 'men in white coats'.  I know that obviously some of you are a bit slow.  The rest of you - look around you.  Look at people.  Give it a week.  Notice anything?
Every word of this website is true; that's why the secret service needn't bother.  I think I'll die laughing!
 
FURTHER UPDATES ON THE LEFT 
 
Notes
 
1.  The first sheet was a photocopy of a complaint against the Metropolitan Police I made a year earlier, details as follows:  It was filed in person at Ilford Police Station on 6 October 2002 and also by post to both  the Police Complaints Authority, 10 Great George Street SW1 and to the Metropolitan Police Commissioner Sir John Stevens at New Scotland Yard.   I received a letter from Ilford Police Station, dated 7 October 2002 informing me that a Chief Superintendent Johnson was arranging a full reply, and one dated 24 October from a Detective Chief Inspector C. Ramsay of Internal Investigations Command, Edmonton, which said my complaint was being forwarded to Borough Commander Redbridge, and that an officer from the borough would contact me by 6 November.  Then another letter from Ilford Police Station dated 31 October asked for a meeting with a Sergeant Graeme Brown.  He gave me the numbers of the two officers I had complained about as PC553JI and PC627JI both of Ilford Police Station.  On November 8 I received a telephone call from the Duty Officer from Ilford Police Station for another meeting, and I met this Inspector that day.  I then received a letter from a Detective Inspector J Chamberlain requesting a meeting which then took place for two hours at Internal Investigation Command, Edmonton Police Station on 19 December 2002, where I also met with an officer Roman Jacyna.   
I received a letter dated 25 February 2003 from a David Delaney of the Police Complaints Authority telling me they had received the file of the completed investigation from the police into my complaint against them, that my reference number was 2003/303/001179, and that I would be receiving their final verdict later.  I received the final letter, dated 17 March 2003 from a Marcus G Williams, Member of the Police Complaints Authority telling me that he was satisfied that my complaint had been properly investigated and that he was 'not satisfied that there is a realistic prospect that a tribunal would find that the conduct of the officers fell below the required standard' and that he was 'minded to conclude that misconduct proceedings cannot be justified'.
 
2.  The second sheet was written in August 2003, using smaller print to fit onto the two sides of a single sheet of paper.  The first and second sheet were put together into white self-seal envelopes, eventually 3000 of which were posted second class during the first two weeks of September 2003.
 
3.  The third sheet, a single side of A4, was written and posted in March 2004.